and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
