How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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