You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
