was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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