there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
