Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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