So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
