there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
