ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
