Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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