I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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