and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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