She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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