why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
