I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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