great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
