just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
