He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
