I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
