2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
