Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
