I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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