So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
