i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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