I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
