a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
