I'm gonna have a badass scar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
