The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
