im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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