apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
