Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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