oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont even know how to be here
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
