I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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