my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
