is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
