nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
