plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am one with the molecules
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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