Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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