guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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