I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
