why do cheetos always look like penises
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
