what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
