Got a toothbrush?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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