I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
