He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
