White coat. Heels.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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