It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
