We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
