Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
