That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
