I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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