a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
