She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
