Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
