Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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