She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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