I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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