You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
