Swine flu. Run for my life!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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