I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
