Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
