I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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