A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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