we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize