mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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