So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
