Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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