Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
