just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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