toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
