Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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