Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
