Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
