He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
