Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
