dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
