It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
