i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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