are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
